Bozzley

World of Warcraft – bad things

A list of things that aren’t especially good in World of Warcraft, in no particular order:

  • Murlocs. They’re the biggest cheap trick in the game – they look cute, they sound silly, but they’re fucking lethal. Murlocs are always in large, tight groups, so you have trouble pulling just one. When you’ve got them down to a quarter of health, they always run away and pull even more pain towards you. Cum-gargling cunts, the lot of ’em.
  • Remember the hype about The Burning Crusade? Blizzard paid particular attention to Silvermoon City and the Exodar, and how they’re both designed to have two entrances and they’re built to cope with hundreds of people at once. What they neglected to tell anyone was that it takes roughly one month of running to get into the Exodar, using either entrance. I hate the Exodar. It’s fucking huge, it feels empty, takes you ages to get anywhere, it all looks the same, it’s easy to get lost in, the trainers are all miles apart, you can’t use your mount in there, there’s two floors, one of which only has a fucking pub, it’s all centred round a fucking snowflake…… Considering it’s meant to be the remains of a crashed draenei spaceship, it’s a load of wasted potential.
  • Fuck it, everything in The Burning Crusade that isn’t a flying mount is shit. All the areas are way too big, apart from Telaar there’s fuck all to do in any of them other than grinding, they’re all made up of two colours (and those colours are orange and purple more often than not), and Shattrath; ooh, just typing it makes my teeth grind to powder. Why the fuck should I be asked if I want to go Aldor or Scryer? If I get it right, I get to see my friends; get it wrong and I’m on my own. What the fuck is the point of that? I’ve already picked Alliance to be with my mates. Don’t make me make another fucking choice to keep playing with them (with no other benefits thrown in). If Shattrath had an auction house, I never found it. Why make me portal all the way back to Ironforge or Stormwind, then get a grif path to Blasted Lands, then run to the Dark Portal, then make me grif to where I was in the first place? This does not make fun happen. Also – where’s flying mount races? Skydiving challenges? The flying mounts are the best invention that’s been added to the game since release, but there’s absolutely fuck all fun things to do with them. The Burning Crusade is shit.
  • Stranglethorn Vale. To be more precise, Nesingwary’s Camp at the top of Stranglethorn Vale. To be even more precise, the quests you get at Nesingwary’s Camp at the top of Stranglethorn Vale. There’s a month’s worth of “go there, kill that” quests to collect up there. They’re fucking boring. Kill baby tigers! Now kill teenage tigers! Now kill adult tigers! Now kill one big elite geriatric tiger! Congratulations, you are older than you were when you started, and your sense of fun has just died. Now do the above for raptors, panthers, crocodiles, donkeys, llamas and Teddy Ruxpin. Don’t forget the “collect 48 pages of The Green Hills of Stranglethorn book” quest! Oh, the thrill of murdering hundreds of Jungle Commandos in the hope that the next random drop won’t be yet another page twelve. I’m approaching suicide just thinking about this.
  • No guild buildings. The game encourages you to start or join a guild. You do so. And then it’s quite possible to not see anyone from your guild for months. Because a guild is really a chat room. That’s all it is. A glorified (and also simplified) chat room. Well fuck, I can go to IRC for that. I want a building in each major faction city that’s currently doing nothing (and there’s enough of them in each city) to be an instance to a town hall style building, that only members of my guild can get into. I want to see a guild put on all the same armour, mount up, then run out of their building in single file towards the pvp battlemasters. I want to see the Horde come into an Alliance city, drive everyone back to their individual guild houses, and then get all the guilds to co-ordinate one big fuck off push to drive them out. Let guilds stockpile big catapults and stuff (like what you get in Wintergrasp) in their guild house for just this reason. I’ve no idea how expensive or difficult this will be to implement, but the possibilities for this to add to the game are obvious and awesome.
  • Sooner or later, most players will find their way into a battleground. You get dumped into an unfamiliar environment, you run around with all the other players, wonder what the fuck is happening, then you die. Blizzard has a lovely system where you can’t get hit, and there’s no other players, and you can explore at your leisure, and it is called “being a ghost”. Couldn’t they make a quest at level 19 where you get turned into a ghost and transported to a battleground, and a computer-controlled ghost explains what you do there? Like a tutorial? Once you’ve done it, you’ll know where to go and what to do, and you can go into the battleground properly or ignore it if you wish. To this day, I still have no fucking idea as to what to do in Alterac Valley. I’ve been in there enough times, I’ve just never got past the middle of the map. If I had an idea as to what it all did, I’d probably persevere until I won it once. As it stands now, I’m not prepared to get killed a billion times just to work out what everyone else has being doing all this time.

After two days, the list above is what I’ve come up with. Feel free to add more in the comments if you can be arsed.

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