Far Cry 2 is shite

I’m annoyed by how much the games critics have thrown praise at Far Cry 2 (or at the very least, not ripped the shit out of it). I’m also annoyed at my own lack of patience, so I’m going to be a bastard and rip the shit out of it. Here goes!

  • There’s no story. If there is, how could you tell? Because….
  • The speech is fucking atrocious. According to Far Cry 2, humans do not need to take breaths between sentences. Or paragraphs. Or even words. Humans just stand there and say everything they have to say in one big lump of garbled speech. I presume that they then breathe in. Who made this game exactly, plants? Statues? Aliens that breathe metal and shit plastic? How are you meant to be immersed in the game when you’re convinced that everyone in South Africa is not of this Earth? How fucking racist is that?!
  • It’s hideously repetitive. Wake up. Nab a jeep. Go there. Plant that bomb / rescue that person / steal that thing / whatever (you only ever press the “use” button for all of the above anyway). Fuck off back to camp. Go to sleep. Rinse and repeat.
  • The AI sucks ass. I believe the computer-controlled buddies are there to make you bond with them, so that when you’re asked to make life or death decisions about them, you should give a shit. After the fifth mission in a row where they kneel down to shoot someone and forget to get up or move afterwards, and you are asked to heal them or shoot them in the head, it takes a masochist to actually save the stupid cunts (that may or may not be aliens, see above).
  • There’s no point. So you’ve got a game whereby you romp around the plains of Africa (which isn’t too bad, the vehicles are passable and the sense of exploration goes a long way), partake in an unfathomable story (bad), shoot the shit out of people (not too bad, once you accept the fact that half the guns are intentionally arse), converse with AI buddies (bad); what is the point of this game? Cos I’m sure it’s meant to have one. I can’t find it.

According to Christian Nutt at Gamasutra, the game is “deeply considered from a narrative standpoint”. I call bullshit on this one. If he can tell me the story of the game without looking it up (and without taking a breath until he is done, for authenticity’s sake), I’ll buy him a pint, which he can deeply consider all he likes.


    Easy, you’re a merc paid to go and kill an arms dealer who is supplying 2 factions. You get malaria, he intercepts you but lets you live (to die from malaria). You get better then spend the whole game doing repetitive missions in order to find out more about the arms dealer (The Jackal), get anti malaria pills or earn extra weapons from the local arms guys. The crux of the game is bouncing around between the 2 factions until you actually get to track the big baddy down. You then get to choose 1 of 2 endings which leaves you wondering what the hell that was all about (Clue: The Jackal is American right, there’s no way you can have an American as a REAL baddy).

    As far as open exploration FPSs go it’s pretty good. I’ve got 2 problems with the game

    1. Respawning enemies – spend 10 minutes clearing a checkpoint to come back 5 minutes later and find that everybody is back in their places. How’s that for a reward.

    2. If you’re fighting for 1 faction then they should at the very least not be fucking shooting at you. A bit of help would be nice but for fucks sake don’t start shooting me.

    Overall well worth a single play through but I wouldn’t go back for another go.

  • Paulie B! Hello fella 😀

    I think I got near the midway point (didn’t get to the other half of the map, but according to someone I know who has finished it a couple of times over, I got close). This game frustrated me, cos there’s obvious craft and passion been put into making the game. And there’s some nice touches too – some of the missions / areas were designed to perfection, and clearly supported a number of effective approaches. A shame that they forgot to get the buddies right. Or the story (which doesn’t make any sense, see your point about your allies shooting you all the time). And whoever decided to let your guns and cars fuck up every five minutes deserves a dunce cap tattoo on their forehead.

  • Style over substance maybe? The curse of modern gaming. Rusty guns are never ever a good part of game design. It’s not fucking supposed to be real you twats, if I wanted real life I’d be playing the aids lottery down in Africa with my little shooter.

  • Aids lottery? IT COULD BE YOU.

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