day 02 – your least favorite song

What the fuck?! Least favourite song? Jeeeeebus.

OK, so I’m back to the same problem as I had with “your bestest song ever made ever innit”. How the fuck do you choose? I hate most of music. 99.99999% of it. Does nothing for me. That’s why I cherish the music that does something for me. It clearly stands out. The songs I like are hair-thin 400 mile long aerials sticking out of a planet made of shit. And you thought I couldn’t do imagery! Course I can. I just don’t do it often. And we’re back on topic in 5, 4, 3….

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Possibly. Fuck, this must be easy for someone who hates a whole genre of music. “I hate rap, so anything that Jay-Z fella does, 99 Problems? That one”. Alas, my narrow tastes run horizontally through a broad spectrum of music. My church is short, but it spans the globe. So picking one genre is out for me.

…….godfuckingdamnit, that’s a lie. Folk music. Anything folky. Anything with a whiff of folk. It’s the one tenth of a micron gap in my spectrum. It’s the half-finished nave in my church. Fucking bastard folk. Warbling, acoustic, sitting on a fence in a meadow singing about God or cider or something, folk. Folk music. What kind of folk listens to folk music anyway? Folkers? Queer as Folk? Peter Folk?

Whatever I’ve heard of it, I’ve not liked. It’s something I can listen to and instantly reach for escape from. It’s like a long lost twin brother – I won’t know it’s name, but I’ll know it when I see it. Or hear it. It’s an unknown, because I won’t listen to it for long enough to know just exactly how much I detest it. Doves, one of my favourite bands, they like folk music. Good. If it somehow helps inspire something like The Last Broadcast, then they’re welcome to it. All of it. I’ll be as far away as possible from them, until they get what it is they need from it and twist and turn it into, I dunno, Kingdom of Rust I guess. Or maybe Sea Song.

So, I’ve found my genre. One that repulses me like no other. As for a folk song to be my least favourite song? Fuck it, you pick one. Any one. I will least favourite the shit out of it.

(just to be fair, I wrote the above, and then had a wander onto Wikipedia to make sure I wasn’t being too much of a tit for once. Apparently (and I’m sure I’ve heard this before a million times but I’ve never connected one with the other), Bob Dylan is a big name in folk music. Which is funny, because with the exception of Subterranean Homesick Blues, he’s a bit shit)

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