Deadly Premonition

Things I love about Deadly Premonition:

  • The main character is schizophrenic. And in the FBI. And he openly talks to the voice in his head. And one person in the entire game mentions this.
  • The main character (the schizophrenic FBI agent), while investigating a grisly murder in a little town, gets a major clue from how the cream swirls in his coffee.
  • When the game lets you get behind the wheel of a car, you can only turn right. If you try to turn left, you’ll instantly spin through 180 degrees for no apparent reason.
  • Whilst driving, you can make your character talk to the voice in his head. I should point out, the voice in his head is called Zach, and is a stand-in for the player. While driving, you can make your character talk to you about loads of 80s films. For no apparent reason.
  • You can drive a car up to the speed limit of 50mph. The controls have a boost button, which puts the police car lights and sirens on. This lets you drive at 55mph. The boost button adds 5mph to your speed.
  • When you get to various points in the story, you have to shoot weird looking zombies. The controls for shooting have a “lock on” function. The “lock on” function glues your crosshairs on the crotch or buttocks of the nearest zombie, so you spend most of the game shooting zombies in the crotch. Or buttocks. For no apparent reason.
  • Most of the small town that the game is set in is owned by an old man in a wheelchair called Mr Stewart. He has a gas mask on. He never talks directly, he whispers to his assistant, who talks on Mr Stewart’s behalf. His assistant will say some lines of rhyme that have some kind of relation to the game, and finish them off with “So says Mr Stewart”. All this happens for no apparent reason.
  • To save myself from typing “for no apparent reason” again, I hope you’ve got the point that this game makes very little sense.
  • At one point, after your character has upset everyone in the town, the local sheriff and his deputies take the schizophrenic FBI agent to dinner. They discuss their cases, and say how this must be small time stuff compared to what the FBI do. They’re trying to get him to open up a bit, to befriend him. The schizophrenic FBI agent then tells them about his last case, involving a guy murdering students, cutting off their heads, removing the flesh, and using their skulls as cups or piss pots, or sometimes both at the same time.
  • I could go on and on about how fucked up mental this game is, but I think you get the point. What I love most about this game is that it enabled me to write a list like this. There’s no game quite like it. It plays terribly. It looks awful. The voice acting is phoned in (and occasional lines really do sound like they’ve been taken over the phone). The story is all over the place. And I fucking adore it.

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