The Ultimate List of 2011

Cos 2011 really was really fucking good for games.

  • Best Game At Making Me Cry Like A Fucking Baby: To The Moon by Capybara Games. The bastards. Tremendous game.
  • Best Use Of YouTube In A Game: Frozen Synapse by Mode 7 Games. Cos it lets me skip the thousands of games I lost to Tensing, and upload the one game I fucking won!
  • Best “How the fuck has no-one thought of doing that before?” Moment of 2011: This will be a tie between two things from one game, Bastion by Supergiant Games; the narrator, and the floor that appears as you run. Games have had narrators before, and games have had floors before, but I can’t think of another game that’s done them like Bastion.
  • Best Display Of Arm Blade Related Carnage: Deus Ex: Human Revolution by Eidos Montreal. Rant rant boss fights rant etc. Finished? Good. Arm blades are fucking AWESOME. The other thing from DX:HR, which I very nearly made an award for instead, was that bit where you go round a corner and two guards are talking about how, if they ever see Jensen, they’ll fuck him right up. Which is the player’s cue to sneak directly behind them both and press the “twat them both at the same time” button. Slapstick! Double plus good.
  • Best New Game Character of 2011: Agent Francis York Morgan from Deadly Premonition (you can call him York). Hands down, easily, the best game character. Characters in games have made you laugh, they’ve made you cry, they’ve made you feel creepy, they’ve scared you, and they’ve made you love them. York will do all of those to you within a ten minute car ride across town, and lots more.  His love of punk rock, his encyclopaedic knowledge of old movies, his choice of mealtime banter, his imaginary best friend called Zach (which is acutally the player), his ability to ascertain clues to a murder by stirring his coffee; York is a truly original, loveable character. If you’ve not played Deadly Premonition, it’s about £20 on Xbox Live. Buy it and prepare to play a game like nothing else ever (kind of).
  • Best Old Game Character of 2011: GLaDOS. “How are you holding up? BECAUSE I AM A POTATO”
  • Best Game of 2011 That Is Skyrim: The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim by Bethesda. I fucking love Skyrim. LOVE IT. Just when I start to think “I’m getting sick of fighting dragons and doing questicles for idiots”, I happen to go to a pub in the game, and accidentally get drunk, and start the funniest quest line I’ve ever seen for any game. There’s almost too much to see and do, and the thought that there might be something even more epic or cleverer or even funnier than what I’ve already seen and done is keeping me from even thinking about going near Saints Row The Third, or the hundred billion games I bought in the Steam sales, or the Humble Indie Bundle I got the other month. Other game developers – have the year off. Play Skyrim. Now look at the shit you made last. Have a think. See you in 2013.
  • Best Runner Up That Isn’t Skyrim: Portal 2. Fuck, that was funny. And fiendish. So many moments. And the one that stuck isn’t in the game; I still find myself saying “Good work, boots!” when I’m pissed. SPOILER – it let you shoot the moon. The fucking MOON! Possibly the greatest ending to anything outside of a bedroom.
  • Best Game of 2011 That Isn’t Skyrim: I’ll go with the game that never did what I thought it would, that I never really understood and still don’t; the game that, months after finishing it, I still think about and consider. The game that no-one liked to start with, but then they did, and eventually they were right. Deadly Premonition. It is excellent. It’s got a fucking ton of flaws, and that makes me love it even more. It’s batshit insane. It doesn’t make a piss of sense. It’s in my imaginary list of my top 5 games of all time. Also, I know it came out in 2010, but I only played it this year, so it counts. Yes it does.

That’ll do. An excellent year for games. Christ, next year has a fuckton to live up to.

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