Wow. It’s been a while. January to June. The baby is a bit bigger now, and she has more hair. I have more grey hair and the same lack of sleep as before. I bought a new PC (named Big Blue, because it’s like the original Xbox (LOL it’s huge) and it has loads of blue lights in it). I bought a new mouse (it’s a Logitech thing, and it’s got a blue light on it also). As for games, let’s see….

Wolfenstein: The New Order is surprisingly good. Decent plot and characters married with the classic way-over-the-top carnage of the previous games, works fairly well. The “it’s the 60s and the Nazis won WW2” alternate timeline is pretty fucking good, too. Robot Nazi dogs!

South Park: The Stick of Truth is annoying. Bits of it are fucking inspired (the way the game fucks with you during the Simon Says butt-probe sequence is hilarious, and the boss battle on the parents bed made me laugh so loud that I woke the baby up). The rest of it is clunky and retarded (you will accrue a million side quests, but you won’t be able to complete them all until further in the game, which the game handily doesn’t tell you, so you spend hours scouring the entire game world for stuff only to realise you can’t complete it just yet, which sucks). Still, it is pretty funny.

Guild Wars 2 has been soaking up a fair few hours. It’s a lot of fun with a group of mates, and some of the secret stuff is brilliant (special mention – timed jumping puzzles are fucking evil everywhere, but somehow adding mates just makes it way more fun to do). Perfect for me because I can quickly drop in and out to get something done in 15 mins or so. Baby-friendly. I like this.

The Forest is decent. Only just hit Early Access, I had a go of the alpha (or beta) version. It definitely has promise, can be a bit clunky in places, but by God it knows how to shit a guy up. I expect good things from this in the future.

Dark Souls 2 kinda sucks if you have a baby. You can’t put the billion hours into it that you need to get anywhere near competent, or to look up every single inventory item you have in GameFAQs to work out what the fuck they do. Sorry Dark Souls 2, it’s not you, it’s me. Fuck off.

Goat Simulator is a work of utter demented genius. It’s now got multiplayer, I believe. Will need to revisit this soon.

Sniper Elite 2 was fucking awesome until I got stuck at a bit where I couldn’t snipe (?!) and since then I’ve got Wolfenstein to sate my Nazi-shooting desires. Will return to this at some point, purely because I’m determined to shoot a Nazi in the ‘nads. And I know exactly which Nazi it will be.

And that will do for now. Sorry I don’t have time to write up the usual heap of shite. My next update will probably be in three years time. Don’t hold your breath.

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