Bozzley

Archive for the ‘Xbox 360’ Category

Fuck consoles.

Not literally! That would hurt.

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Weird games that I should play once a year until I am dead

Cos I just don’t make enough lists.

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Close! Half a cigar?

Mystic Meg can fuck right off!

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Grand Theft Auto (all of ’em)

Steam had a sale to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of GTA 3. The sale was for the entire collection of the main GTA games on PC for £5. I bought it before my brain had processed the signals my eyes received. Pure muscle reflex – anything GTA-related, I will buy it. I got Chinatown […]

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Gears of War 3

Where people with no necks shoot things and cry a bit.

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The dog ate my homework

So I’ve gone without the internet for months, due to an argument with my service provider. More accurately, my service withholder, but whatever. What’s a guy to do when he doesn’t have access to Warcraft and as much porn as his eyes can process? This guy played pretty much ever game he had installed (or […]

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Deadly Premonition, again again

22 hours. 22 glorious hours of being immersed in madness. 22 hours of a sometimes sublime, sometimes retarded Japanese to American translation; not just the text, but the setting too. 22 hours of a plot that starts off barmy, passes through stupid and certifiable, and ends up at charming. 22 hours, and it’s just not […]

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Deadly Premonition, again

I’ve restarted this game three times now. The furthest I’ve got is about a quarter of the way in. I think I’ve figured out enough (and read enough walkthroughs) to know what the score is. I should be able to do it all on this playthrough. Most games these days are concerned with something called […]

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Deadly Premonition

Things I love about Deadly Premonition: The main character is schizophrenic. And in the FBI. And he openly talks to the voice in his head. And one person in the entire game mentions this. The main character (the schizophrenic FBI agent), while investigating a grisly murder in a little town, gets a major clue from […]

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Mass Effect sounds better (possibly)

I don’t understand. The first Mass Effect game had an awesome soundtrack. Ambient, but aslo sci-fi-ish. Always in the background, but always tickling your aural pathways when it had to. And *** spoiler alert *** the ending song choice was fucking inspired. The second Mass Effect game had a soundtrack provided by some orchestra, and […]

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Maturity

Read this. That’s Richard Clark at Gamasutra, arguing about how the game industry hasn’t matured yet and won’t while games like Bulletstorm are being made. Why the fuck does the game industry need to mature? It’s a business. If the immature games are still selling, then for fuck’s sakes keep making them. Leave the mature, […]

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The Darkness

(was meant to be playing Magicka last, but the multiplayer side of it is bugged to fuck, and I don’t want to spoil it by hoofing through the single player, so I had chance to finish The Darkness and finish this monster post too, so here it is) The ace thing about having a blog […]

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EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW 2!

I’d intended to finish The Darkness last night, but Call of Shooty Duty appeared and made me giggle for a few hours. So here’s another preview of the EPIC MEGA POST that’s coming soon about The Darkness! Much like Jackie and his Darkness, I have a love / hate relationship with the game. Jackie loves […]

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EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW!

This is an EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW of the next post I’m going to type up. Remember, this is EXCLUSIVE; you won’t see this ANYWHERE ELSE on the internet, cos it is MINE. Ready? Here goes! The Darkness is a game for the Xbox 360 that assumes you like listening to things, rather than seeing things or, […]

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The Ultimate List of 2011 (maybe)

Cos, let’s face it, it’ll be the same as last year but with better graphics. Best First Person Puzzle Game: Portal 2 by Valve. It will be amazing, but will be slightly let down by Stephen Merchant’s voice not suiting the game. Random thought while playing – “oh just fuck off, you Barclays-shilling bellend”. Best […]

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The Ultimate List of 2010

Cos you don’t get enough lists at Xmas. Best Game That Is “a bit mental”: Norrland by Cactus. You can download the game from here. There’s also a trailer there, but it’s best to play the game and not know anything about it. Trust me. Oh, and it’s not safe for work or children. Or […]

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Fable 3

*** SPOILERS FOR FABLE 2 AND 3, THOU HAST BEEN WARNED! ***

The Star Wars trilogy (don’t you dare ask which one, there is only one Star Wars trilogy damnit) can be reduced to the following items:

Star Wars: Bright happy (mostly) universe, bad man messes with the wrong boy, universe is angry, universe and wrong boy beat bad man

Empire Strikes Back: Less bright happy universe, bad man gets badder, bad things happen, not a happy ending

Return of the Jedi: The Care Bears Movie (with happy ending all round)

I haven’t played Fable 1, so it clearly doesn’t count. OK, that’s a lie – I’ve played it for about half an hour, but it hasn’t aged well, and I didn’t like it. The important point to take from this is that “it doesn’t count”.

So! We’ll begin with Fable 2.

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Fable 2.1

(specifically, Knothole Island and See The Future DLC) I’ve started Knothole Island. Don’t know how, but I seem to have deleted my “good character” save game, so I’m doing this as my evil bastard. The one who ended Fable 2 (spoilers etc) by getting a fuckton of cash and leaving the dog in doggie heaven. […]

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Every Extend Extra Extreme

….which is possibly my favourite game title of all time, but I digress. Every Extend Extra Extreme (or E4 as I’ll now call it) on the Sexbox 360 is good and bad. My favourite game mode is the default, time limited mode. You’re given 3 minutes to get as high a score as possible. You […]

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PRIVATES!

http://www.zombie-cow.com/?page_id=807

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Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 – exculsive reveew!!1!

best game evr but no dedicated servers on PC and no party chat on 360 and keith vaz is shit @ PR and steem users are delayed for 2 days cos Valve sux 10/10 perfect MW3 yeah!

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Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 Rochdale 2

I’ll stop doing footy-related jokes about games with multiple numbered titles when games companies stop making them (although Rainbow 6 is the name of the outfit in the game, not a sequel number, but hey, it’s my blog, fuck it). The first Rainbow 6 Vegas was, well, I suppose the word is “average”. It did […]

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Boredom Rising

Been playing Dead Rising on the 360. Zombie game, set in a mall. Bowling balls, lawnmowers, skateboards, big foam lightsabers – all can be used as weapons. Should be right up my street. There’s a type of film which starts off slow. It’s boring for the first 30 mins or so. But you persevere, cos […]

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Burnout Paradise

I bought Burnout Paradise the other day; for the Xbox and the 3, 6 and 0. I’d played it once or twice before – I’d been expecting the usual refinement and change of the Burnout series, but Paradise threw me for a loop. No Crash mode, no routes to learn, just a big city and […]

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The Storm Before The Calm

Late last year, there was approximately fourteen billion really fucking good games released within a three month window (give or take a month). Usually, games companies wait until Xmas to sell their top properties as this is when Mums and Dads and other old people waddle into town to pick something up for Little Johnny […]

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Things I Miss From Gears Of War 1

The destructible furniture. I miss being able to run into a room with my Xbox Livey pal and just go apeshit on chairs and desks using the “machine gun + chainsaw = weapon perfection” Lancer. I miss that specific room in Gears 1 where both players knew instinctively to hold the thumbstick just-so, whilst also […]

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